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Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Growing Up

I'm 36 years old, and I am still growing up, and it's still a painful and beautiful process. I went back to work to shore up the family finances, and just like before I took on too much too fast. I lay in bed after yet another hospital stint wondering when will I learn...

...probably when I grow up!!!

lol, but beyond all of that I am really happy. Fornication Volume Three is out, Dawn of Destruction is out, and I am proud of the work and looking to the future. I'm sitting at my little dinning room table, sipping on lukewarm coffee, and going over the notes I made the other day at work. I'm excited to have this time to myself to write, edit, and dream. I still have great big dreams, but I no longer have the desire to kill myself to obtain them. I had to redefine success, because fame and fortune isn't always where it's at! Once I accepted that for the truth that it is, I was able to see my blessings everywhere. I was grateful for family time, quiet time, writing time, and working time. My perspective  and priorities started to shift, and joy returned to my life.

...I had joy again!!!

That changed everything. I started to like myself, and I'm learning to love myself. I am kinder to me. that's not just whistling Dixie either. I had no idea how very mean I was to myself. I drove myself to the limit of batshit everyday. I tortured my body, defiled it by eating trash, and then tried to wear it out with relentless double shifts. I beat myself up for every mistake, and barely noticed any accomplishment. I was at war with me. Who the fuck does that??? Me, sad but true, I did that junk daily. I don't anymore though. I woke up. I'm growing up, and it is glorious!

"Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all!" The late great Whitney Huston ain't neva lied.

Here's a breakdown of the changes I'm making.

I used to eat for comfort/ I now pray for comfort, and eat to live.
I used to try to do a million things a day/ I now aim for 3 things (and I almost always hit the marks!)
I used to exercise until I wanted to pass out/ I now follow planned routines and listen to my body
I used to go to work sick/ I now use my sick time like I got good sense!
I listen to motivational videos every morning
I pray daily
I pamper myself whenever possible
I make time to read books I enjoy
I'm focused on my writing career
I guard my joy!!!

Until next time

Friday, March 7, 2014


I've incorporated motivational youtube videos in my daily routine, and yeah, It works! I can't tell you how many mornings I woke up choked with fear. How much I doubted myself, and my gifts.

In 2013 I experienced so much loss, and it damaged my spirit. Fear crept in my soul and made a nest. I still dreamed, but they were watered down blurry reflections of what they once were.

Not any more... Now I am awake, and I'm going balls to the wall <3

Thursday, March 6, 2014


Good morning good people,

I thought of some real inspirational things to post today. I forgot all of it, so I decided to post about Fuckdoodlez

Definition: Fuckdoodlez - Things you do instead of doing the things you are suppose to be doing.. 

I am on a mission to seriously reduce fuckdoodling in my life. I watched a few time management videos on youtube last night. And It really helped. Here is one with examples and pictures. I paused it frequently to fill in my google calendar. 

Here is a picture of how my schedule looks now.

I'm already falling behind, but I am way more productive than I was yesterday.
Death to Fuckdoodles

Until next time

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Getting My Life

Hello Cyberland,

It's been a minute since I've updated this thing, but I had a lot going on... I've decided not to be obese any more. That  decision requires a lot of time and focus. I mean it took me years to get this broken, so it's a fair assumption that gluing all my pieces back together will take a little time as well. I've got time in spades. lol

So the purpose of this untimely blog update is as follows...

1. Getting my life
2. flexing my will

1. I've always had a problem with self esteem. I never thought very highly of me... Oh, I talked a good game. I mean I knew that saying you hated yourself was socially unacceptable, so I always said what was expected. "Julia loves her some Julia," and other bullshit of the same ilk. The truth of the matter was I had no idea how to love myself. I had no examples of self love. I constantly abused myself, and allowed others to abuse me. That all changed about a year ago. My father's cancer took a turn for the worse. My company was failing miserably, and I had to go back to work. Throughout the chaos, I started to fall in love with me... little by little day by day. So now I want the best for Julia. I want her to live her best life, and not just quote acceptable things. I want to do for myself. I really believe I'm worth the effort.

2. Everyday I make small choices that lead to big changes. I am choosing happiness with every "no" I utter.
I will blog everyday this month. No matter how long, or short the blog, I'm gonna do it every damn day...
I've incorporated some daily exercise and meditations, but I can tell you all that tomorrow...

Until next time

Work From Home They Said with John H. Howard

I am a very stubborn and impulsive person. I always have been, and I probably always will be. And, although these attributes serve me w...